Last day at home

Today I am packing for my journey and preparing my home for my return (in laypersons terms that means laundry and cleaning two of my least favorite things). Let me also apologize for not using spell check on my last posting - although I did go back and correct the typos. The problem with having so many smart and kind friends is they have a tendency to tell you when you have screwed up - and thanks to Michale I will always now remember to use spell check.

As all this fuss goes on I have been reflecting on the reasons for the events of this week.

Most of you reading this blog didn't know me when I was thin and yes - I was once very thin. There is a picture of me in 11th grade hanging right in front of me while I am writing and skinny is really a better term.

Who knows why certain people gain a lot of weight? I have spent many hours over the years trying to figure it out for me and to no avail. There are many speculations out there but none of them seem to ring completely true. Possibly that means they are all true to an extent. What I know is that I love food. I love cooking it, eating it, serving it, experimenting with it and as many of you know watching it be cooked on the Food Network. My relationship with food has been significant all my life.

When I was in junior high school I used to stay home "sick" so I could spend the day cooking. I loved sorting through my mother's cookbook(s) and finding something I could prepare for the family that night. These cooking adventures were pretty good in general but always difficult to explain how I suddenly felt well enough to cook all day.

As time went on food just became more important to me and as so many people with weight issues I considered food a drug. It made me feel better. It was safe. Eating was hardly something I could screw up - but today as I pack to have surgery to assist me in controlling my food issues - I realize even eating can be done wrong.

The goal, of course, is to become healthier and to get my life back. The few of you on this list who have been in my life for a very long time remember me as a pretty active person. I didn't usually play weekend football but I loved camping, traveling, swimming, and there was a time I lived on a bicycle. Football will never be on the list of things I chose to do - but I look forward to a much more active life and a much longer one. All the better to keep you all in my life for more time.

I have a wonderful friend who has just lost a lot of weight and she sent me a very special email today in which she said, "I am so sick of being encased in a body that has nothing to do with my spirit". Wow! I believe she has spoken for me also.

Have a glorious day.